Pleading

Dr. Harris made his way over to Nate and I while we sitting next to Jack's isolette. He had a concerned look on his face. He told us Jack hadn't made any improvements in his white blood count so the meds they were giving him were not helping the issue. We asked him what the next steps were in finding out what was causing him to be so sick. He told us while doing rounds the doctors had talked about the possibility of meningitis. "Meningitis??? How could he have contracted this?", I thought. Nate asked him what their plans were for determining whether or not Jack, in fact, had meningitis. Dr. Harris looked at us and said. "We're going to have to proceed with a spinal tap to rule this diagnosis out." Nate and I locked eyes for a moment. I took a deep breath and said. "Okay."

While the staff were getting ready for the procedure, Nate stayed by Jack's isolette while I went to the pumping room. Nate asked if I wanted him to go with me and I said, "I need a few minutes by myself, baby. I need to clear my head." He gave me a hug and said, "Everything is going to be okay." I was trying very hard, at that moment, to believe that. I needed to believe that.

I made my way to the pumping room with my gear and closed the door behind me. I sat my bag on the chair and crumpled to the floor. I wrapped my hands around my head and started to rock back and forth. I felt completely helpless. I thought, "This could be the end. This could kill my baby." I sat up and looked to the ceiling and began to pray with tears rolling down my cheeks. I pleaded with God. I implored, "Please Jesus, don't take our sweet boy. Please Jesus, let us keep him." I repeated this prayer several times. Those words were the only thing I could muster. I felt, as if, my world was crashing down around me. I could hardly catch my breath. It felt like a thousand elephants sitting on my chest. I sat on the floor for several minutes just repeating and begging God to save Jack. That's when there was a knock on the door. It was Nate. He asked if I was okay and I replied, "Yes, I'm fine. I just need about ten more minutes." He said the staff were getting ready to start the procedure so he would be waiting for me in the hall. I said, "Okay, I'll be out soon." I stood up and sat in the chair and pleaded with God one last time before making my way to Nate.

As I left the pumping room I passed by C room where the procedure was taking place. There were several nurses and doctors surrounding Jack's tiny body conversing about what they were about to embark on. I sighed and thought to myself, "Brittny, God has Jack in His hands. He is the great physician and decides the plan for Jack's life." I walked out the double doors to the hallway where the love of my life stood. Nate turned to me and took me in his arms. Those arms that wrapped around me were my safe place. They were a place I could go when everything was falling to pieces around me. I knew that Nate was my rock and I was his.


The  peace I felt as I laid my head against Nate's chest was a peace that passes all understanding. A feeling that only God can give His children. A peace that He gave me because He heard my prayer. I knew He was holding me in that pumping room while I pleaded with Him to save my baby. What a comfort looking back that my father in heaven listened to the prayers of his child. He was there, He was present and He was going to glorify Himself in this situation.

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I pray for anyone who might be dealing with a trial in your life that you will heed this scripture. If we go to the Lord with our requests and worries He will take them upon Himself and deal with them according to His will. We might not always understand God's plans for your lives, but He does. He knows our past, our present and our futures. Be encouraged today and believe in magnificent miracles that only come from God Himself.