The seed is planted

We had planned to be in Pensacola for a few days for the wedding. What a nice getaway before our lives would change forever. I was excited to see my family and celebrate my cousin's big day. We had the absolute best time. Being able to relax for a few days without the hopeless feeling was unbelievable. I kept telling myself, "Everything is working out. God has allowed us to get an appointment very quickly with one of the best specialists. This is going to work." I honestly thought it would.

We got home from Florida on a Monday. Our appointment was scheduled for that Wednesday. So, all day Tuesday I was going out of mind. Excited, scared, thrilled, anxious and above all, ready to be pregnant. I, of course, had been praying that God would give Dr. Jarrett the wisdom and guidance to help us. I knew this was God's plan for us. I knew He wouldn't have made it so easy for us to get an appointment if He didn't want this man here on Earth to help us. I knew he would'nt have allowed our insurance to pay most of the infertility treatments if this wasn't His plan. Right?

I had previously talked with the woman in the office that took care of all the insurance needs. She had said that our insurance was a provider and so there wouldn't be any need to pay the day of our appointment. We would be billed for our co pay at a later time. She said to call the morning of the appointment and she would take a little info over the phone before we got there. That way the Dr. could see us sooner. I said, "Sounds like a plan."

Wednesday morning I was at peace. Nate and I had breakfast, got ready and hopped in the car to head to Champaign. We had to stop for gas before we left town, so I used that opportunity to call the office and follow the directions that I was given. I was put on hold while they were taking care of another patient. When the receptionist finally came back on the line these were her exact words, "I'm sorry, but after doing more investigation into your insurance we discovered that we are not a provider here in Illinois. We do except your insurance at our Indiana office."  She said, "You will have to bring $250 with you if you want to be seen by the Dr."

I was completely silent. At this point, Nate had returned to the car. He got in and looked at me. He could tell something was not right. I looked at him with sadness and shook my head no. I told the nurse that we would have to reevaluate our situation and call back back at a later time. She said, "That's fine. Just let us know when we can try to help you again."

Once we got home, I went directly to our bedroom. I didn't take off my coat. I didn't take off my shoes. I curled onto our bed and wept. I thought, "Why is this over? How I am possibly going to have a baby if I don't have a doctor to help? I'm never going to be a mother. We were depending on insurance to help us. We don't have thousands of dollars to spend on treatments.  I only have 6 months to have baby before my body completely fails me. I thought you were working this out, God. I thought you had this covered." That was the first of many pity parties that I would partake in over the next 6yrs.

Looking back I know what God was doing. Had we went to that appointment we would have wasted money. We would have wasted gas and would have wasted our time. You see, 5 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.  That was God's plan!